Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
