i may or may not be watching the land before time
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
