Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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