They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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