I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
