my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
