You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
