I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
