Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
