i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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