We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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