why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
