I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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