At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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