I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
