I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
