Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
