Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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