new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
