i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
