Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
