I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
smell my finger.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize