Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
