Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
