She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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