break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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