He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
