i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am one with the molecules
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
