That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
