I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
