I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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