I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
