so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
