Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
