get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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