I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
