planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
