She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
