my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
