idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
