dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
