We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
