he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
