Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
