i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
