Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
