Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
