We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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