So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
