just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
